There is a wealth of research on the subject of asking for help. The common perception is that when you ask for help, the other person will say ‘no’. The fear of failure, the fear of refusal, the fear of judgment – are all strong. Most of us would rather endure the impact and burden life has for us, rather than to ask someone for help especially during the difficulties of co-parenting.
The interesting thing is this common perception is off by a lot. In a meta-analysis of experiments, psychologist Vanessa Bohns examined 14,000 instances of study participants asking strangers for help and found people were almost twice as likely to get help than they believed they would. Study participants had a wide array of requests on their subjects. What most of us don’t take into consideration is the fact that the person we’re asking will probably say ‘yes’ because they’ve all been in a situation where they’ve had to contemplate asking for help.
When we shift the conversation to co-parenting, things get very interesting very fast. It’s not like we’re asking a stranger to hold the door for us because we’ve run out of hands. As parents, we quickly pile up the weight of the world on our backs as we shoulder (*what we feel) are ‘our’ responsibilities and through the course of hundreds of ‘little decisions’ arrive at what we feel is the ‘way’. Tainted by your family history, your co-parenting relationship dynamics and a million other things and of course the concern about being ‘judged’ you make your best attempt to ‘STAY CALM and CARRY ON’.
We know co-parenting is hard. With all the mapless challenges of raising children and all of the single-parenting hurdles or co-parenting struggles there are on a daily basis; stress compounds, issues pile-up and focus and reason can get blurred. This is all the more reason to ask for help. Depending on your generation, you may seek out a therapist. Generationally speaking, Baby Boomers and to a lesser degree GenX, it was shameful to consider therapy, yet Millenials have flipped the scenario and see it as a sense of pride to seek outside advice.
Many have already discovered a plethora of therapy apps, that work for them, and that’s great. I feel if it helps people become a better version of themselves and it works for them, then great! Our coParenter Professionals in the coParenter app provide assistance on a variety of issues through our ‘GetHelp’ feature. By tapping GetHelp you connect with a live on-demand coParenter Professional (cP Pro) that field questions and help co-parents navigate the choppy waters of life. Whether you’re teamed with your co-parent in the app or in SoloMode (using the app on your own) we provide guidance and insight.
Struggling with schedule changes and kid exchanges? We can help you work through that. Are there conflicts arising due to a new boyfriend or girlfriend entering the picture? We can provide guidance. Are you at an impasse with your ex because you simply want to FaceTime/Skype or call your child while they’re with the other co-parent? We can help you come to an agreement. Dealing with a high conflict co-parent and working hard to co-parent but seem to be in and out of court way too much? Let us hear your story. This is what we do every single day.
As our Chief Community Officer, (RET) Superior Court Judge Ellsworth, explains, “I think one of the simplest but most meaningful ways someone uses GetHelp is when they just need to vent, to share, to have undivided attention one on one coaching that starts with just being heard. Then without the stress of having their co-parent in that channel and while vulnerable even hurting or misguided as to fairness we can start to coach. We teach them how to strip away history, anger, grief and help them transform their past relationship into a kid-focused business-like relationship. It takes time and we focus on the issue at hand but we’re always a ‘tap’ away when issues arise.”
We all need help at times, consider us your co-parenting Dream Team to keep you focused on what is most important, the wellbeing of your children, and keep you out of court -saving you time and money.