Anyone in the trenches of co-parenting knows there are many opportunities for error, miscommunication, and hurt feelings. Even if you are able to handle them in stride you may feel the need for a gut check. There is not an easy recipe for co-parenting whether it is the most amicable divorce or a parallel parenting approach.
Let’s start by defining the big trouble-spots and also exploring an alternative and cost-effective way to counter these issues with the coParenter app:
1. Not Being on the Same Team
We could insert some sort of sports analogy here but the point of this is to maintain the focus on the health and wellbeing of the children. If you and your ex can make this paradigm shift in thinking, move past the pain/hurt, you will be well down the correct path for a strong co-parenting partnership.
Don’t dwell on the past. Accept that disagreements will occur and work through them. You may be on the same team but you are going to parent in your own way, accept that about each other.
All of this said, issues will occur. We know this. Chances are you both know how to push each other’s ‘buttons’. Before escalating things to a court case and months of drama, consider there may be another way. If you haven’t already discovered the power of our app, download it and give it a try for 30-days free of charge. When issues pop up you can use the help of a coParenter Professional from the palm of your hands to resolve whatever issue you may be struggling with ultimately saving you time and money.
2. Not Organized and Very Little Communication
Communication wires get crossed between married couples, never mind between well-intended co-parents. We realize there are a lot of moving parts with raising a family across two separate homes, there lies the need to make sure calendars are in-synch and plans are over-communicated. If you aren’t organized and don’t have good communication, then things tend to slip through the cracks and tensions can rise.
coParenter offers organizational tools that allow you to create a shared co-parenting family plan that allows you to draft holiday and vacation schedules and also expenses on the fly and once you both sign off on them they will be documented in the app.
3. Not Being Kind
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your kids and be kind to your ex. Most of the time it means taking a moment or at least a deep breath before answering that snarky text message coming through from your ex. Or, turning a blind eye/ear to the kids when they appear to be acting out. At the very least you will need to adapt your tone and approach to keep situations in check.
There are immense amounts of stress involved in divorce, separation and restructuring your family into two households. All of a sudden, there are twice the moving parts and it’s easy for emotions to get turned up to full blast. We know this all too well, that’s why we have added language filters that prompt you when messaging with your co-parent in our app.
Being kind to yourself involves taking care of yourself, having friends and/or a therapist you can open up too. The same goes for your kids. They need a regular predictable schedule. Regular family time, time with their friends and check in with them often. Being kind to your ex pays back in dividends because over time it will be a two-way road (you’d hope).
Most of all, keep it on a positive note. Whether or not you realize it you are teaching your child valuable lessons about grit, perseverance, finding common ground and how to get along with others even if you don’t agree on everything. These are huge lessons and they are learning through your actions and the actions of your ex.